A quiet reflection on solitude, unfinished dreams, and the unexpected places where we learn who we are
Photo by Kristina Kutleša on Unsplash
When I Didn’t Know Where Else to Go
I don’t remember deciding to drive that road for the first time.
I just remember ending up there.
It was one of those phases in life where nothing is exactly wrong, but nothing feels right either. You wake up, do what you’re supposed to do, talk to people, smile when needed — and still feel like something inside you hasn’t caught up yet.
So I drove.
Not to escape. Not to think deeply. Just to move. Because moving felt better than staying still.
A Road That Didn’t Ask Questions
The road itself wasn’t special.
No views. No smooth pavement. Just cracked asphalt, dim streetlights, and long stretches where nothing happened. It didn’t try to impress me. It didn’t expect anything.
And maybe that’s why I kept coming back.
It felt like the only place where I didn’t have to explain myself.
Pretending I Was Fine
Back then, people thought I was okay.
And honestly, I probably was — on paper. But inside, I felt like I was late to my own life. Like everyone else had quietly chosen a direction, and I was still standing at the intersection pretending I knew where I was going.
I didn’t talk about that.
I just drove.
The Music That Slowly Disappeared
At first, I always played music. Loud. Familiar. Something to drown things out.
Silence made me uncomfortable. Silence asked questions I didn’t know how to answer.
But slowly, without planning it, the music got quieter. Some nights, I didn’t turn it on at all.
That’s when the road stopped being background noise and started feeling like company.
Pulling Over Without Knowing Why
One night, I pulled over.
No reason. No breakdown. I just stopped.
The engine stayed on for a bit. The headlights lit up dust in the air. I remember staring straight ahead and realizing how long it had been since I’d sat with myself without distraction.
No phone.
No scrolling.
No pretending.
Just me.
And the thoughts I’d been avoiding showed up.
The Things I Never Said Out Loud
I admitted things quietly, like they might hear me.
That I was scared of choosing the wrong life.
That I felt behind, even though no one was chasing me.
That I missed versions of myself I hadn’t even lived yet.
I didn’t try to fix those thoughts.
I just let them exist.
Becoming Someone Without Noticing
I drove that road in every mood.
Some nights I felt hopeful for no clear reason. Other nights, I felt heavy without knowing why. Sometimes I felt nothing at all — just present, breathing, moving forward inch by inch.
The road stayed the same.
I didn’t.
And that’s when I realized something important: growth doesn’t always look like progress. Sometimes it just looks like showing up again.
Turning the Engine Off
One night, I turned the engine off completely.
The silence was uncomfortable. Too honest. The ticking sound of the car cooling down felt louder than my thoughts.
For once, I didn’t rush away from it.
I stayed.
That moment didn’t change my life. It didn’t give me clarity or confidence. But it taught me this: stillness isn’t empty. It’s just real.
What the Road Gave Me
That road didn’t fix me.
It didn’t give me answers or direction. What it gave me was permission.
Permission to not know.
Permission to slow down.
Permission to stop performing and just exist for a while.
That was enough.
Leaving Without Making It a Big Deal
Eventually, I stopped driving there.
Not because I outgrew it. Just because I didn’t need it the same way anymore. Life moved forward quietly. The road stayed where it was.
I didn’t say goodbye.
I didn’t need to.
For Anyone Still Driving at Night
Sometimes I think about people driving their own version of that road right now. Late at night. Windows cracked. Thoughts heavy. Wondering if feeling unfinished means something is wrong with them.
I don’t think it does.
I think some roads exist just to help us listen. To ourselves. To the parts of us we keep rushing past.
Final Thought
That road taught me who I am — not by giving me answers, but by letting me stop long enough to hear myself.
And honestly?
That was enough.
The Road That Taught Me Who I Am was originally published in Coinmonks on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.